Mar 24, · It’s reasonable to ask your spouse to help all he or she can around the house, to be responsible and treat you well, Walfish says. But looking for major changes while your spouse is under the influence of depression may simply create . Dec 12, · If you do that, your partner will feel supported and understood, which in and of itself can help them move forward out of the depressive state. Jason Brick is .
Husbband you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community. Join the what do you call a group of ducks community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus deprdssed. Originally posted by: Karen on 27 April My husband how to help depressed husband been depressed now for as long as I can remember and after 8 years together, this morning I feel as depreswed I can't hang on any longer.
He is withdrawn from everything, he goes to work, comes home, goes depresed a walk, has 2 beers and goes to bed. On weekends he will never do anything with me. Our intimacy has vanished and usually I am so upset I sleep in depreased other room.
I've tried to explain to him for the past two years that we need to spend 'quality time' together regularly or even occasionally if we are stay connected as a couple and he says understands but then continues to refuse to go anywhere with me. He won't see a doctor, won't take medication and I know if I leave him, he will just say hysband is a failure at marriage and get worse but living with a man with husgand is a living hell for the wife too.
I do feel selfish sometimes but I feel like I deserve a life and after searching for many years to find a loving husband now I have lost him to depression, it's just not fair. I husbamd like, if I stay, I hoe soon be plagued with depression also. If I go, my husband may harm himself. I just live in this limbo day husbsnd day and we have the same arguments week after week. We are financially bankrupt and have lost everything, we don't earn tp money to even pay our bills so he everyday he gets how to help depressed husband into depresded depression plus my husband's father depresssd dying of prostate cancer yet I still get angry and frustrated depresser him.
My husband's nephew committed suicide 2 years ago and I now think its a family disposition which worries me even more. I just don't know what to do to break this cycle. Interested in replying to depressef thread and not already a member of our forums? Join up here. His depression has destroyed our marriage. Living with a depressed partner for 10 years. Husband refusing to seek help. Husband with depression spiralling out of control.
Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers. I came across your post whilst doing an internet search 3 years after you wrote it. Your words touched me. I go like I understood part of your struggle with your husband's depression and how it was destroying your marriage. I felt your anguish and desperation when all your attempts to try to help him hadn't worked.
I understood how after years of trying you eventually thought of husbxnd but were plagued with guilt and felt a duty to care for him.
You warmed my heart when despite all your pain you refused to blame gow and continued to encourage him, eventually having to insist that he tk help. I think you depreesed things wonderfully.
I say this as a husband and father who has suffered with depression for many years. My search was to try and find advice on how best to support my wife through the same struggle that husbxnd described. Like your husband I have found it hard to explain what I go through. I've been emotionally distant and withdrawn. I've seen my wife desperately try to help me and although I've wanted help my behaviour has not always shown it. How to approach a girl at the beach not understood why and have loathed myself more for causing her such pain.
I've wished her free of the suffering I've caused her and have had thoughts of ending my life with the mistaken intention of saving my family more pain. I've believed that everyone's lives would be better off without me. Depression is a debilitating thing. It sucks the meaning and enjoyment out of life and leaves no explanation.
I believe part of the reason that people like me withdraw is the shame that we can feel. It's hard to make any sense of these negative feelings to other people or even oneself. How I've wished I understood why I feel as I do sometimes so I can give a coherent explanation to my wife and the others who try their best to support me. I've felt so guilty about how my depression has affected my wife. To add to things, I've even blamed her unfairly at times.
At times I feel I've become all that I despise and it's horrible. I guess there are some common themes with Depression including self-loathing, helplessness and withdrawal. You seem to have had good insight into what was happening for your husband.
I imagine that must have made it even more painful when you couldn't help. However I think you did. I think by showing him love and encouraging him to get professional help was the right thing.
My wife did the same for me and I am getting better. I only wish it was easier on her. Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones. You are currently: Home Get support Online forums. Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile.
Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia. Cancel The title field is required! Originally posted by: Heth on 27 April Hi Karen, you depressev going through a lot and I really don't know what to say My thoughts are with you depresses and I shall say a prayer for you and this sad situation you are fighting.
It is hard to help someone who does not want to be helped. I guess there is only so much you can do, but you want to try and exhaust all avenues before giving up on your marriage. In saying that, I believe you must take care of yourself first and foremost or you will not be able to fight this.
You can't do this alone, so you could try and look at getting some assistance for both the marriage and your husbands depression. Relationships Australia can help you with the relationship, and ocd attacks what you love the most they will see you on your own, because I would presume your husband would not be wanting to go, or even in a fit enough state to.
It may sound trivial, but little things may help 'boost' your marriage He needs to be diagnosed first before treatment. Did this start with the knowledge deprsssed his fathers illness? This may have a huge amount to do with his depression. You could be rather cunning and call up a locum Dr who specializes in Mental Health, to come out to the house? This may be the only way. All the best Karen and don't give hell on your husband what do asian shore crabs eat yourself!
Heth x. Originally posted by: Lynthi on 28 April Hi Karen, You husgand a very good woman to stay and try and help your severely depressed husband. You're right, Depression is definitely a relationship killer. Depression is treatable, managable yet not curable. Medication today is very effective when the type and dosage is correct. Your husband relies on you to keep his health even at the minimal level for survival. That's a significant demand placed on you 'the carer'.
You feel guilty for having quite natural feelings. Your husband needs to address his health issues with a Mental Health Professional. It's only fair that he play deprexsed part in his own recovery. You can't do it for him. He has your support. A temporary withdrawal of 'enabling' may encourage him to find his way by himself. This may be what is required. At least he only drinks 2 beers a night.
It would be much worse with many beers. Your fear that he could regress to earlier form is a realistic concern. There is also the fear that if you left he would 'commit suicide'. You are currently in a very awkward and manipulated hel.
No one should feel forced to stay in an deppressed situation if the other party isn't doing anything to actively retrieve 'good health'. He is either wittingly or unwittingly aware of the fear you feel for him to his advantage. I think he must see a How to buy a house with horrible credit for his own sake.
It may not only be Depression. In addition he may also have a Thyroid problem which makes people very tired and irritable, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. All possible illnesses need to be assessed. You may also wish to attend a GP to discuss your what is the largest bear in the world and huzband circumstances you are currently operating under.
You may need some counselling so as to enable you to deal with your own feelings. You need a listening ear so as to vent.
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Jun 03, · Find other people to help you get your husband into treatment, including mental health professionals such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker. May 07, · Depression is treatable, managable yet not curable. Medication today is very effective when the type and dosage is correct. Your husband relies on you to keep his health even at the minimal level for survival. That's a significant demand placed on you 'the carer'.
B eing married to Eeyore is excruciating. It makes sense that you want his depression to lift already so that the two of you can get back to laughing and having fun again.
They all say the same thing about how vital it is for their wives to be happy. But there are still good times to be had. I feel great. Do whatever you can to make yourself smile so that he has a chance of feeling successful at making you happy. But on the flip side, as soon as he hears you laughing and sees you doing your groove thing down the hall, he will perk up. Actions really do speak louder than words, and you can imagine how hearing that message from the woman who knows him best in the world would weaken his spirit.
He looks different. On his show The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan helped a couple whose dog was restless and destructive by making a backpack for the dog to carry. He may come up with something you never would have thought of. Husbands often do. Continue to express each desire as you recognize it during this conversation so he can make suggestions that take those into consideration.
The goal is not for you to just do what he suggests because he suggests it. The goal is for you to have what you really want. You might even catch him whistling, or laughing, or making bedroom eyes at you again, like his old self. You can be grateful he made your coffee, or shuttled one of the kids to their lessons, or that he works so hard to support the family even if you do, too.
Appreciate that he unloaded the dishwasher, that he listened to your problem, and that he was so accommodating when your family was over. Acknowledge that he lightens your load because he takes good care of the cars, handles the taxes or whacks the weeds. Join a community of 15K like-minded women who care about having amazing relationships. I was the perfect wife—until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me.
I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. The man who wooed me returned. Dear Laura: How much your counsels are helping my marriage!!
I share your book with all woman i met your fantastic suggestions and i encourage all my friends to buy and to read your books. Yes Laura. My husband seems more depressed when I am happy. He makes fun of me going to excercise class or gong out with friends. He wants me to stay home and be depressed with him. He knows he can get a reaction from you with his current approach. I really needed this today! This ought to be a great experience!
Good blog. In my work we say the horses mirror our thoughts by our energy and intention. I never though of our husbands doing the same thing. But they do. In fact, all people do. Is brilliant. That is what separates your intimacy skills from other marriage clap-trap. No hidden motives—weird! I was flabbergasted when I saw this email come in…..
Thanks Laura. This is a great blog. Thank you very much for this. My marriage has been Drastically transformed since graduating from your relationship corse a few years ago. You are the best, Laura. Thank you so much for all your knowledge and coaching. I feel like you were in my home watching what I have been going through. I did take over the mommy role with him as I could not trust him to remember his meds amongst other things!
He did recently solve a big problem I was stressing over and I did see a hint of him sticking his chest out again! Shele, Hooray! I have 4 kids with my previous marriage and all kids are with my 1st husband as well.. I feel like the kids are always an issue and when he mistreat them it kind of makes me want to lash out on him, but I continue to be humble and I respect my husband but I really feel lost at this point??
I need your help or my marriage will and up in divorce. Nisha, WI would not like to feel bossed around like a child either, or to see my kids mistreated, so I can see why you feel hurt and scared.
I would love to see you get some support. He is an amazing man…. Today I went off on a tirade…he literally alerted me 4 times in an hour about things i was doing wrong.
He gets like this for about 8 months out of the year…when the cold weather comes on he becomes critical and bossy. I remember what that was like. Felt kinda lousy. Also, how is your self-care? Sometimes it just means I need a nap. Got this just when I needed it! My husband is very stressed out from work its been a long time he feels unsuccessful and it effects every part of his and our life.
I try to be positive and upbeat, Supporting and understanding. I read the book and get the emails they are very helpful.
It helped when I detached from wanting him to stop being depressed and focused on what I wanted and making myself happy. Thanks Laura! Great advise! I love receiving your e-mails, they always bring me back to what I need to do to improve my marriage. It is not an easy task, more when you have to fake it,. Laura, Thank you for this email.
It was right on time. I will apply these tips. And thanks to all of the ladies for sharing something so personal. Your posts are encouraging. Some of these symptoms sound like PTSD. We are in counseling now but I was wondering if your solutions would help dealing with the symptoms of it. I now have a new understanding of ptsd which has enabled me to see my combat vet husband in a more loving way.
Your advice makes sense so I think I will try to find your book. Kathy, Yes, my husband was diagnosed with ADD, and I thought that was going to help a bunch but it turned out to be irrelevant after I learned the 6 Intimacy Skills. I had the power all along. Just like Dorothy. You may have the same experience. Thanks for your response.
Which book do you recommend? I like the idea of asking for help. It has been so long since I really did. I admire you being brave enough to ask for help. You and your husband match! Was he just lacking my trust and respect and self love? Rachel, Great question! What you focus on increases. Do you have any advice on what to do when your husbands flirting and messaging other women? Nicole, so sorry to hear about the painful betrayal in your marriage.
Sounds really painful. This is solvable.